How many times have you stopped yourself from doing something, just because you’re afraid of what other people may think?
It’s time to stop caring and start doing. Chase those dreams just the way you want to!
In today’s episode, we discuss something that I know you, as an introvert, may struggle with.
That constant want to do big, dreamy things, but not letting ourselves do it because of what people around us might think.
I’m going to take you through the thought process I’ve gained over the recent years, and how you can put those negative thoughts to one side, just like I did.
Listen to the episode:
A HEADS UP: Keep an eye out for the relaunch of my signature course (Her Quiet Influence) on Valentine’s Day! If you’re looking to build a course online as an introvert, and need a bit of help with content creation and mindset, come and join us!
As introverts, we tend to struggle with what other people may think of us. We have dreams to do big things, but the inner fear of judgment stops us from following them.
We’ve all been there, stuck at the crushing question of;
“What on earth will people think of me?!”
Just what will people think if I do ‘XYZ’? What will they think of me if I openly chase my dreams, put myself out there, and do something even slightly different from the ordinary?
Your goal might be to launch a successful Youtube channel or post content on Instagram to showcase your new business.
But the paralyzing fear of what everybody else potentially thinks just snatches that dream right out of your hands.
How heartbreaking is that?
Ultimately, we need to stop caring and start doing. Why do we care about what anyone else thinks?
Does it matter what Susie from high school is thinking when she sees your latest Instagram post?
We’re the ones doing big, amazing things, so it’s totally irrelevant what they think!
It’s possible that we want to avoid humiliation. The dreaded fear of failure, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, putting ourselves out into the world for all to see.
For me, and quite possibly you, it’s all of the above. And that’s a normal fear! We just need to learn how to overcome it.
Busy bee? Pin this episode for later.
Fear of others’ opinions is something I have struggled with for a long time.
Part of this could be because I’m Scandinavian, and there’s a Scandi belief that we should ‘play small, stay small and not make a fuss’.
Seriously, we even have a name for it.
Janteloven: translated literally as; ‘putting society ahead of the individual’.
I allowed this belief to stop me from sharing my first blog with anyone. My sister, partner, friends and family were in the dark.
For three years, my overwhelming fear of being judged stopped me from telling everyone I loved about my online business.
As time passed, I learned how to let go of this fear. Eventually, I changed my Instagram handle to Mia Brox, and I decided it was time to show up for myself.
In order for my business to exist, I had to exist in it too.
Fear of judgment goes hand in hand with people-pleasing
As humans, we crave to be liked. It’s part of our DNA. We have quite literally evolved to survive in a group, part of a pack, and not alone.
We are constantly seeking that love, acceptance, and popularity, and it’s normal to feel worried about what others may think of us.
But when it stops us from living out our dreams, that’s when it becomes a problem.
When you look up the definition of a ‘people pleaser’, it will state something like ‘an emotional need to please others, often at the expense of his or her own needs’.
Not putting your goals, dreams and ideal lifestyle is people-pleasing. Not showing up as your true, authentic self. And of course, in this process, we lose part of ourselves.
Just think, in reality, there’s not a lot we can do to change someone else’s opinion of ourselves. Their thoughts, opinions and judgments are totally out of our control.
We’re all living in our own little world, and realistically, our lives, actions, and choices do not affect them.
A few minutes after they’ve seen your Youtube channel or new announcement, they’ll be back to their own lives and worrying about their own problems, goals, and lives.
So why worry about what they think?
Your own opinion of yourself is in YOUR control. And that’s the only opinion that matters.
The truth about fearing judgment from other people
When you allow your thoughts to drift into the world of ‘they’re judging me!’, you’re actually the one doing the judging.
You’re making the assumption that people around you are thinking negative thoughts about you.
The truth is, we don’t know this for a fact. And honestly? They’re probably not thinking about you at all.
How many times have you sat on social media, judging someone else for what they’re doing? For starting a business, or showcasing a new idea?
I’m guessing zero. Why would we? It has little to do with our lives, and whatever they do online isn’t relevant to you.
Here’s the thing.
People are selfish. Everyone is selfish.
Don’t take this in the wrong way, but most people care way too much about themselves to worry about what’s happening in yours.
Are you lying awake at night, worrying about what Susie is doing on Instagram? I doubt it.
You’re focusing on your own life, your own dreams, and your own goals, And that’s just the same for them.
If anything, they’re probably thinking ‘wow, she has the guts to pursue her dreams, I wish I could do that!” You’re living out your dream, and to most, that’s inspiring!
Find your inner peace
Imagine finding an inner peace that makes us realize we cannot change the opinions of others.
That we can’t change why someone thinks the way they do.
We’ll never be in their head, and we’ll never know what’s truly going on in their world.
Don’t try and change someone’s opinion because it will not work. Let it go and live your life.
It’s also important to remember your dreams, business, or goals won’t resonate with everyone.
You don’t love every chocolate bar on the shelf, just like everyone won’t love what you have to offer the world.
And that’s ok!
Your dream will resonate more with some than others, and there’s freedom in knowing that.
Life is short, live it!
Our time on Earth is short. Shorter than we think it is. Why waste time worrying about what anyone else is thinking of us? (Especially when it’s highly likely they’re not!)
I so wish, all those years ago, that I had listened to my own advice. That I had realized this sooner. But it’s hard, and it’s hard to put yourself out here and let go of this paralyzing fear. But it is possible.
Focus on yourself.
Worry less about those around you.
Live out your dreamy life.
Vulnerability. Authenticity. Allowing your audience or potential clients to see the real you.
Embrace the vulnerability.
Leave your cozy comfort zone.
The more you do, the easier it will get. I promise.
Surround yourself with people who support, love, and accept you
One of the best things we can do is surround ourselves with loving, supportive and positive people.
Don’t waste time or energy on those who don’t, especially as these are the kind of people who prevent us from living out our dreams.
If we aim to please everyone, we’ll be living out someone else’s dream.
Doing this won’t change your life. It won’t make a difference. Make choices based on your own wants and needs, not someone else’s. And I promise it will pay off.
First, find yourself, then find your pack.
Focus on yourself!
Remember that thought about being selfish we had earlier? It may seem unnatural, but it’s true. You are on your own journey, so show up for yourself!
Be authentic, learn to love yourself, and tell your own unique story. And the best thing? If you succeed in loving yourself, no one will have the power to take any of it away from you.
The only opinion that matters is the opinion you have of yourself
We’re all our own people, and we will always have our own opinions, thoughts, feelings, and judgments. What other people think and judge on, quite simply, is none of your business.
It’s up to you to let these worries and fears go. To change your mindset, focus on yourself and how you want your life to be.
Whatever actions you choose will lead you to your results. Your choices will allow your story to unfold. And you have the power to create your story exactly the way you want it.
Make it AMAZING.
Trust me, life is so much better without the constant worrying. It is so worth the mindset work!
The outcome of letting these thoughts go? To put it simply, freedom.
Freedom to be your weird-ass self, freedom to create what you want, freedom to show up, make a difference, and spread your amazingness! The ability to be YOURSELF. In this crazy, short, and precious life we have, you get to pursue a life free from judgment, fear, and worry. That’s got to be worth it, right?
You owe it to yourself. Let go of fear, set yourself free, and allow your most authentic self to shine.
Finally, I’m ending this episode with a big YOLO. Because it’s true.
You’re so much more than anyone else’s perception of yourself! A WHOLE lot more.
And if you made it to the end, you’re even more amazing.
I love and appreciate you.