“You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.”
― Zig Ziglar
Who here wants more confidence in their lives? Yes, me too.
Some people just exude tons of confidence, right? They seem to have it all in order. They are happy with themselves, their jobs and relationships. They are fearless. So, what’s the secret?
You might be thinking..
“I’ll never be as confident as him or her. I’m just not a confident person” – but let me stop you right there.
I’ve got good news for you if you want more confidence in your life. Because all it really is is a skill and a feeling that you can practice, over and over again until you become fluent in confidence. It’s not a gene you a born with, thank God.
Okay! Let’s dig into the different steps you can take to boost your confidence.
It’s only a thought you believe
The feeling of being confident comes from within yourself, from the thoughts you believe are true about yourself.
Confidence doesn’t come from external factors, like your job, other people’s opinions of you, your successes or your environment. It’s all in your head, folks – and this is GREAT news.
Stop listening to your primitive brain
Our primitive brain (also known as the cerebellum) is the part of our brain that’s trying to keep us alive and from worrying, staying put and always being comfortable. It protects us as it has always done.
When trying to boost your confidence, this is not the way to go.
Stop listening to your primitive or habit brain.
We need to teach our mind to think the right thoughts that inspire confidence and, in turn, our actions.
This can take time but it’s so so super important that you consciously try and shift your mindset, and the feeling of confidence will follow.
It’s your own thoughts that regulate how confident you are.
Don’t make these sentences and thoughts in your head mean anything negative about you.
Make your thoughts mean that YOU ARE AMAZING. For example 🙂
Because you can believe anything you want. So why not believe that you are the most confident person in the world?
If you’re one of those people who has never felt like you’ve had an inch of confidence in your life – you’re not doomed. It’s just your primitive mind feeding you lies (or beliefs) that you’re so used to believing.
For example, your mind might think you’re in no way confident, you don’t have what it takes and you will never be able to do that thing that you really dream about doing. Awful, right?
However, these are all just sentences in your head that have become a routine and your truth. And these beliefs lead you to feel a certain way – so in order to change your feelings you must change your beliefs.
Make sure you believe it
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
― Lao Tzu
The thing is though, you really have to believe the new and improved thoughts you have about yourself.
You don’t want to be one of those people with “fake” confidence that comes from a place of scarcity. That’s a whole other story and completely different way of thinking.
Believe your thoughts to be true – and they will be.
If, for example, you are especially good at something, your thoughts about that particular something is positive and you have confidence in yourself doing whatever it is you feel that you master.
Now, apply this to something you are not good at (yet) or something you’d like to get better at. That’d be today’s homework 🙂
The very first step
The very first thing you need to do in order to boost your confidence is to look to your thoughts and beliefs about yourself. Write it down and be honest. Then decide on a new thought and a more positive opinion of yourself. Set this as an affirmation and really start to believe it.
It’s all you, baby – so make sure you get your thoughts straight and know what it is you have to work with.
Things to think about:
- What is your opinion of yourself?
- Pay close attention to the thoughts you have about yourself
- Are they negative or positive or neutral?
- What thoughts do you WANT to think?
- How do you want other people to view you?
- What do you want to feel? (I’m assuming confidence and positive feelings are in order)
Practice and repeat
Again, self-confidence is a skill you can practice and get really good at. I cannot stress this enough. If you see yourself as a person lacking in confidence, it may take some time. But please know that confidence can be trained, built and mastered, starting in your own mind.
Practice and repeat. Practice and repeat.
If you do it over and over again, the thing you believe you are lacking in confidence will become effortless and you will feel confident in time.
For myself, I need to practice the skill of confidence when it comes to public speaking. I do this by challenging myself to do it, even though it frightens the heck out of me, I do it anyway. Because I know I’ll grow, get better at it, learn from past experiences and it gets easier every time.
But we have to put ourselves in scary and challenging situations to get better at things we do not have the confidence to master just yet.
I may have repeated myself here, but I just really want you to understand that the most important steps to boosting your confidence are mastering your thoughts, beliefs, feelings and practicing the skill of confidence.
When you’ve got your thoughts and beliefs all sorted, you really believe them and practice every day it’s time to get into some other important factors that can help build confidence.
You got this.
Stop comparing, stop caring
Stop comparing yourself to other people. To other people’s wins, successes, money, material things and so on.
We have no idea what is really going on in other people’s minds. We can’t control it – as much as we want to – we simply can’t. They’ve got their own stuff going on.
Now the cold hard truth is that some people just won’t like you. There will always be people who don’t. You’re not for everybody.
That’s ok! You’ve got your people.
So, stop caring what other people think and whatever opinion they may have of you.
This can be so freeing and it will really help you to feel more confident in all social areas of life.
Just believe in yourself, darling. You do you.
Dreams and goals, honey!
Focus on your own dreams and goals.
Make sure you are moving forward and doing something every day that aligns with your bigger picture.
Ticking off your to-dos for the day and knowing that you are getting closer to your dreams is a big achievement in itself and it can really boost your confidence and the feeling of success.
Have your dreams and goals in order, gals and know where you want to go and how you want to evolve.
Visualize your future and really believe it.
If you don’t know where to start, my tip for you would be to do a thought download. Get all your feelings and thoughts down onto a piece of paper (without thinking or lifting the pencil).
Get to know yourself better, that is the first step in figuring out where you want to go.
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Posture is everything
This is actually a really basic tip, but it REALLY does help.
Don’t slouch – pick yourself up, head high, shoulders back and I know it may sound cliché but how you carry yourself has a lot to do with how you feel and the confidence you exude.
Most of the time we may think we have good posture but in reality, we’re just used to carrying ourselves a certain way.
Take a good look in the mirror and notice your own posture and how you can improve it. There are tons of great videos on YouTube that cover basic posture tips. Here’s one for example.
Yes, that’s right. Learn to love yourself. So cheesy but so important.
Embrace your flaws and make sure you set aside time to practice self-care every day. When you really love yourself, you can’t not feel confident. It’s just not possible.
Don’t sweat it
Confident people just don’t sweat the little things in life. Don’t over analyze an incident at work, the email that didn’t get sent and so on.
It’s all going to be okay, and in the end, these silly things don’t matter. Just don’t think about them and have some perspective.
What is the worst thing that can happen in cases like these? You get a feeling. A feeling and a belief, which now, you can make it mean anything you want.
Don’t sweat it and let go of grudges too.
Bye-bye comfort zone
There is a difference between fear, courage, and confidence.
However, they are in some ways linked to one another. Sometimes we need to feel the fear (and do it anyway) and have the courage to do something that we (in the beginning) believe to be scary, such as public speaking for example.
We need to challenge ourselves, get out of our comfort zone to get to the good place.
For me, this is (again) definitely public speaking. I’ve just recently challenged myself to speak at a panel – and I cannot believe that I said yes to that. But you know what, it is all part of the process.
I WANT to get better at it and feel confident doing it and therefore I have to practice it until it, to me, feels effortless.
As humans, we absolutely love to feel comfortable (I’m so guilty at this charge).
Our minds are programmed to protect ourselves and so it likes doing what feels safe and what it has always done.
The brain loves a good ol’ habit. But we need to evolve past this to achieve our goals and dreams.
Do something you’ve never done before, something you wish you were better at, and I promise it will get easier over time.
One more thing
Fake it till you make it – as they say. I really believe that.
If you continue to think confident and positive thoughts you will FEEL confident. That’s the only real secret, guys.
Now, are you ready to think amazing thoughts about yourself? I sure hope so. Let me know how you get on in the comments below.